Where is this going?

Where do I begin.....
FIRST OF ALL THIS POST WAS WRITTNEN ON MY YAHOO BLOG THAT I STARTED SHORTLY AGO ...... I WILL GET CAUGHT UP REAL TIME IN A DAY OR SO...
THIS WAS WRITTEN ON OCTOBER 13TH 2006
I suppose to explain the photo that you see.... its of my wife of 15 years. You see I have been sharing photos of her like this one over the years........ chatting on the net "pretending to be her" and myself at times. Obsessed with her beauty and being.... I imagined and wished to be submissive to her, a true cuckhold husband full of humiliation. All to please her.......
Years of fantasy ...... until she found files of chats and websites that I had visited over the years. So I was faced with the truth........what do I do................ She is everything in my life and I love her more than anything....... so honesty was all I could share.
That was just a few weeks ago...... a few weeks of confusion, high energy sex, but a gradual shift in power. A shift in REAL POWER! I never expected the humiliation and submissive part of my fantasy to be so powerful in reality; was I ready for it... No. Did I have a choice? No. But it is what it is, I have made my bed so to speak.
For "MY" definition of a cuckhold husband I want to be honest, frank and clear.... for there are many varieties and ranges of definitions. I will tell you as I told Carley (my wife) my desires are to see and or know she is fucking other men.......... for her pleasure and needs to be met. My desires get detailed to the point that I want to be forced to clean her orally after a "Real Man" has fucked her and if told to yes........ I would have to clean him orally if not have to prep him and get him ready to fuck her.
Let me close my first "Blog" by saying she has not fucked anyone......... yet. But she has just left to go to a club on the other side of town where she went last week and for the first time danced with another men without me around......... and slow danced with a gentleman that I know was her type....... and a few small touches and from what I was told one kiss with some tounge involved.