Sanity in Submission

Last night was a bit rough, first time that I have had to sleep.... or attempt to sleep with by cb3000 cock cage. All night I kept dreaming about Carley.........some things i could remember but mostly dreams are hard to recall. But for those of you that have never wore one of these cock cages, when you begin to get erect the head and top of shaft are forced to stay small. While that is going on the lift of your cock pulls the base ring up and pinches the hell out of your scrotum and teticles.............. Sooooooo it was hard to sleep as you would imagine.

The dreams and thoughts were all mixed up........ once again I am learning as Carley mentioned on the phone today..... how much I should have appreciated her in the past. I LOVE her so very much. So alot of thoughts today off and on, and the vague memories of last nights dreams are all about me trusting that she will always love me. I would die without her.

I would do anything for her............. I will do anything for her. I have submitted to her wholely. At times she still asks if this is what I want.............. I honestly dont want anything but for her to be happy and pleased............ I tell her I want her to think of herself on vacation the rest of her life......... and I mean it!

I LOVE YOU CARLEY

She is Driving me Crazy

Not realy sure what or what isnt on the previous blogs....... Always think I will catch you up on all my thoughts and emotions....... But there are so many it realy is hard.
Its Saturday night and Carley went to visit her mom in another southern city. She just called to tell me that she just got her first phone call from someon she met while out on her own.
If you read an earlier blog, the guy who kissed her a few weeks back is THAT GUY!!
She went out to a club last week met and danced with a few guys, but as fate has it she went back last night to the same Kareoke Club and met up with the same "cowboy" type guy as she says..... She came home last night... informed me of touches... dances... conversation about how she was married and her husband (me) had a thought of her dating.
But this evening she called to inform me he called her on her cell a little bit ago.... Wanting to make sure she was OK... and that she would be there at the same place in a couple of weeks.
Of course she said yes..... but I just now am dealing with her giving out her cell number and secondly she informed me that she let him know I had been fantasizing about being sumissive and shareing her with other men...........................
The humiliation and pounding in my chest it incredible................ and yes it gets me hard in a wierd way..... But when I told her that when she called me that I was excited....... She told me talking to him on the phone and talking about "him" made her wet as hell!!

WOW!! From October 29th 2006

WOW!! This post was written on October 29th ........
WOW!!!!
Where do I begin, may not even have time today to discuss it all. I will try to fill in all what happend since the last entery. But first things first..... She ordered me as pictured the CB3000 male chastity device. It came in Friday (two days ago)..
My sweet Carley had a trip planned and actually flew out Yesterday morning, we put the device on my cock Friday night and not using a lock but a plastic tie with a ID number on it to ensure that I wouldnt get out without her knowing. (she will be gone a week!!) But two hours or so into sleep on Friday night, I woke up with a hard on and the device actually pinching my scrotum in half!! Yes it hurt like hell and we took it off immediatley.
Saturday morning prior to taking her to the airport she put it back on.... and didnt use the ties. She has locked me into this device as we speak with a KEYED PADLOCK. I spent all day yesterday looking for discussion on the web of if or how I was going to survive the night.
Well I am here....still locked up. I did get a bit of sleep was awakened by the discomfort of the erections 3-4 times or so. Plenty of baby oil and manuvering helped. I honestly didnt think I could make it...but I did!
UPDATE ON THE PAST COUPLE OF WEEKS...........
Well it seems that things are what they are. From the last entry Caley came home and fooled me into thinking that she had met someone (close friend of ours that she has always had a thing for) To make a long story short she realy hadnt. She had spent the evening with a couple girlfriends; but roleplayed the scenario in order to see my reaction and see where she was with everything. It was all powerful, a great learning lesson for me on emotions of this if and when a real meet occurs.
Since that night she chats regularly on Yahoo, AOL etc........ its progressed some but she has hooked up with the same bull regularly from Indiana. They both seem to think alike and both are deep into the humiliation of me. The power she gets from humiliating me is "Real" . I see it in her eyes and her orgasms are more explosive than I have ever seen her have. In fact last week she "squirted" (came) while i was pleasuring her while she chatted.
WHAT I HAVE LEARNED.............
The power of her pleasure is what drives me....... Its easy to say, or think ... but honestly the years of masterbating and fantasizing about her is "NOTHING" compared to the emotions and feeling I have knowing she controls me, she has the key to my manhood, that my role and reason for existing is her pleasure. I want her to be more and more selfish in that way... more demanding... more aggresive....... more unbridled to seek her physical pleasure. She is and always has been a great, fantastict and thoughtful individual... I never thought it would be easy for her to take this kind of power.............. In fact I wasnt sure she even wanted it. However she has taken to it like a veteran...... its almost scary... But thats a good thing.

What have I done (October 13th also)

THIS POST WAS WRITTEN OCTOBER 14TH EARLY MORNING...
I HAVE TITLED IT "What have I done?"
Now what have I done??
Its now 2:34 a.m. I feel lost, my heart feels like its coming out of my chest. What am I suppose to do now? The love of my life went out with some friends........ but as planned I suppose she went back to meet the same guy she kissed a week ago. She left her cell phone here at home so I have no way to contact her what so ever. I am so scared......... This late at night on the road with no communication... right now I am just worried about her physical well being. I pray that she is ok.... God I love her so much. Another part of me is thinking she would never put herself in that situation without a phone etc.. That she is trying to figure out where she is as well as myself with this whole thing........... I just dont know.
Its now 2:41....... I have been laying here in bed....wearing her panties and I shaved my entire body again today (which she made me do for the first time earlier this week) however I didnt shave my armpits then.........but I did tonight so she would be happy with me more than before. I vacumed like she asked..........I did the dishes as expected though she didnt have to ask me too. I NEED HER TO COME HOME NOW........ God please. I just want her safe with me.
Its 2:44........ and I thought I heard her pull up............but I have thought that the last hour or so. Its not her... I honestly dont know what is going on. Part of me is rationalizing that she is over at her friends house toying with me........ she is safe but I dont realize the torment I feel right now. Another part of me thinks she actually went to the club and has met this guy again. My true concern after fear for her safety is the fact that she has gotten emotionaly involved with this other person.
Its 2:51........... There has never been a night in our entire marriage that we didnt say goodnight........ My heart aches. The garage door has just risen........

Where is this going?

Where do I begin.....
FIRST OF ALL THIS POST WAS WRITTNEN ON MY YAHOO BLOG THAT I STARTED SHORTLY AGO ...... I WILL GET CAUGHT UP REAL TIME IN A DAY OR SO...
THIS WAS WRITTEN ON OCTOBER 13TH 2006
I suppose to explain the photo that you see.... its of my wife of 15 years. You see I have been sharing photos of her like this one over the years........ chatting on the net "pretending to be her" and myself at times. Obsessed with her beauty and being.... I imagined and wished to be submissive to her, a true cuckhold husband full of humiliation. All to please her.......
Years of fantasy ...... until she found files of chats and websites that I had visited over the years. So I was faced with the truth........what do I do................ She is everything in my life and I love her more than anything....... so honesty was all I could share.
That was just a few weeks ago...... a few weeks of confusion, high energy sex, but a gradual shift in power. A shift in REAL POWER! I never expected the humiliation and submissive part of my fantasy to be so powerful in reality; was I ready for it... No. Did I have a choice? No. But it is what it is, I have made my bed so to speak.
For "MY" definition of a cuckhold husband I want to be honest, frank and clear.... for there are many varieties and ranges of definitions. I will tell you as I told Carley (my wife) my desires are to see and or know she is fucking other men.......... for her pleasure and needs to be met. My desires get detailed to the point that I want to be forced to clean her orally after a "Real Man" has fucked her and if told to yes........ I would have to clean him orally if not have to prep him and get him ready to fuck her.
Let me close my first "Blog" by saying she has not fucked anyone......... yet. But she has just left to go to a club on the other side of town where she went last week and for the first time danced with another men without me around......... and slow danced with a gentleman that I know was her type....... and a few small touches and from what I was told one kiss with some tounge involved.